I have always found that the best part of having a new sex partner is exploring their kinky side. The cute religious, church going clerk in the next office who can only have an orgasm with you if she does a slow strip first and then screams obscenities while you make love. The muscular and alpha-male stud you’ve been seeing for a while might like putting on a tutu and getting pegged with a monster strap-on. You just never know.
Take your new object of love out for a couple of drinks so that both of you are loosened up a bit. Pick your bar carefully so that you have to walk by a sex shop on the way back to your transportation. As you pass, ask if they have ever been inside one before. If not, then turn it into an adventure. Ask the clerk what everything is for. For someone who has never done anything before, then the old standbys of whipped cream and chocolate syrup are the easiest sell. More likely though, you will see them get into some of the stuff. Make sure you ask the clerk what items are for if you have never used them. Even if you do not buy anything, it was a way to pass some giddy time.
However, with the rising costs of just about everything in the world today, buying a bunch of sex toys can put a huge dent in a person’s bank account. As well, a huge dildo you think you’ll love when you’re at the sex shop might end up being a little “too much” once you get it back to the bedroom. And, as you can imagine, there are no returns at your local adult shop.
In an effort to help you stretch your shrinking sex toy dollar, I have compiled a list of low cost alternatives. Please consult with your doctor before trying any of these on yourself or others, and remember to have fun!
Sex In The Office (Or Anywhere For That Matter)
Set Your Phone to Vibrate and carry it in your front pocket. Better yet, stuff it down your shorts. Best to have two phones for this so you can call yourself frequently. This is useful if you are not getting enough action. Turn off your voice mail to maximize your pleasure! If you have two cell phones you can call yourself during meetings at work, thus keeping a pleasant smile on your face while others are nodding off. Who knows, you may even get a promotion for being so "attentive" and "upbeat".
Pure Pleasing Pleasure From Produce
Skip the expensive sex shop and browse the aisles of your local grocery store for a suitable alternative. When you get home, simply wash it in warm water and fit it with an appropriately sized condom. Use a bit of KY jelly on it and have at it! The best options are:
1) Cucumber – (all time favorite for regular sized vaginas) make sure you de-nub it first
2) Carrot – this is better for smaller proportioned ladies
3) Zucchini – the best choice for larger sized women.
4) Baking Potato – be careful you do not lose it up there – the zucchini is likely more practical
5) Sweet potato – these can have some interesting twists for your pleasure – select carefully for maximum entertainment.
6) Celery – no matter which end you use, this one will likely be disappointing. Of course now a full bunch might just substitute well if you cannot find an appropriately sized zucchini!
7) Watermelon – What are you thinking of? Totally out of the question!
So if you want, you can use the veggie of choice as a way to size a dildo purchase at a sex store. Either that, or else you can just keep on the veggie sex regime. The nice part about veggie sex or veggie masturbation is that if it ends up that the veggie is the wrong size, you’ve only spent a couple of bucks to learn that.
Now you may get some interesting ideas as you browse by the deli department. Anything in the deli is just not recommended, no matter how natural it may look or feel.
Better Orgasms For Women In Real Live Situations
Many women can only achieve orgasms through clitoral stimulation. That’s why a lot of cock rings these days have a little vibrator on the top – so that with every deep thrust of the penis, the vibrator hits the plump clit and the woman gets stimulated. But if you think about it, there are a lot more things in your daily life that vibrate, and you can use that to your advantage. Try having sex on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Another tactic is to put her phone on vibrate, hold it next to her clitoris and you use yours to place repeated sex calls to her while you are having sex. Speed dial is your friend! Phone sex was never like this let me tell you. Depending on her phone plan, this can be very inexpensive and hot. To keep the phone dry, use a condom, or at least a baggy.
For those of you in California, when the next earthquake hits, get horizontal in a hurry and take advantage of the mega vibrations. You may miss the main one, but the aftershocks should not leave you unprepared. And what a shock the aftershock would have for your partner. Add some zest on your next train ride with some sexcapades. Most trains have some interesting vibrations, rocking and rolling when in motion. When all else fails, pull out the trusty cell phone again Roller coasters are a thought, but the complexity of pulling it off pretty much makes it a non-starter. Planes are only fun during a rough air, but then they turn on those pesky seat belt signs and spoil all the fun. Then of course, sex in the bed of a pickup truck while going over a washboard road is just about the best. Of course you need at least one other person to drive. If you forgo the bed of the truck, you can always get each other off in the front seat. If doing it in the bed, I recommend a mattress, or at least a camp air mattress for more comfort.
Yee Haw!!
If you want some other advice on sex and sexuality, check out these links:
Sex Advice for Men
Sex Advice for Women
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